Why you don’t give a toss about England v Australia this month

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Following yesterday’s look at the workload that is being shouldered by fans, it seems a decent time to restate our position that ODIs don’t matter. We were quite surprised to note that the article in question was written almost two and a half years ago and so there may well be readers who haven’t seen it. Those of you who have been around longer have probably addled your memories with real ale and continental cheese anyway so it’ll probably seem new to you too.

The sentiments expressed still seem relevant and this current one-day series between England and Australia seems a prime example. We can’t think of any newspaper, TV or radio coverage which has really emphasised winning the series as being an end in itself. Team selection and the upcoming winter Ashes series mean it is part scene-setter and part explorati0n exercise with second string players being given a chance to strut funky stuff that is somewhat lacking in syncopation.


  1. ODIs are fine if that’s what’s on the table. I don’t care about these ODIs because I care about Zimbabwe vs. Pakistan!

  2. And literally as I type that, Masakadza gets out with his century just visible beyond the hill (c Hafeez b Ajmal 75). Remind me never to be eager or excited about anything.

  3. It’s that restaurant analogy we’ve used before that works best. Starter, main course, dessert – in that order. Any other order fails completely. You’ve no interest in a prawn cocktail after a steak. All you want at the end is something sweet, uncomplicated and entertaining while you’re finishing off getting drunk.

    ODIs, Tests, T20s – in that order. Anticipation, realization, relaxation. The recipe for a perfect summer.

    1. Bert your analogy fails to consider the wanker trend for degustation. Look at the administrators around the world, do they look like the type to enjoy a traditional meal or the type to spend exorbitant amounts of money (probably other peoples money) eating a teaspoon sized serving of raw prawn seasoned with wheatgrass?

    1. I thought you wanted your money back for tomorrow?

      I liked the old 3 match warm-up Texaco Trophy games. Lovely little warm-ups for the main event, those were. Who can forget the hopelessly placed optimism following our 3-0 win in 1997?

    2. Anyone remember the 2005 NatWest Tri-Series (10 matches)? Followed immediately by the 2005 NatWest Challenge Series (3 matches)?

      Of course you do (except Sam, who’s probably too young). Bangladesh beating Australia at Cardiff, which gave us permission to dream. Then the series final at Lord’s being tied nine wickets down, Gough run out on the penultimate ball with three needed to win, huge lbw shout on the last ball which was then misfielded for two leg-byes by Brett Lee.

      A pointlessly excessive 13 ODIs before the test series, but we knew by the end that the summer might hold some hope (we also thought that it couldn’t get any tenser than that tied final). Imagine how crap those 13 matches would have felt after the bus tour.

    3. Ah! When the entire world thought Mohammed Ashraful had a royal flush, but realized later he just got lucky with a pair of sevens. Sam must surely remember that century – he soiled his diaper the exact same moment that single was taken.

    4. I resent this implication of youth.

      I remember that series well.

      Ashley Giles scampering two leg-byes and all that.

    5. Daisy and I were there for that tied ODI final at Lord’s. Daisy remembers it as a hugely exciting low scoring match. So do I, but I also remember Daisy reading deep into her magazines during “the boring middle bits of” both innings.

      That summer I also played in a tied one day match – significantly higher-scoring than that famous ODI and full of memories that will always live with me.

      So far, just two tied matches in my entire life (played or witnessed live, I mean) and both the same summer. THAT summer.

      Don’t go, Sam. We all love you.

    6. Looks like there won’t be much cricket tomorrow anyway. Rain is here.

      I’m facing a seven-hour round trip to sit in the Hollies stand for eight hours making awkward small talk with my dad and his mates.

      Expect a match report along those lines. In fact, this will probably be the match report. How’s that for live journalism.

    7. I’ve always liked the idea of a live match report, but I’m not sure how it could work.

      Twitter. I’ve worked it out.

    8. Ashley Giles. All I love and all I despise in cricket combined into one name (KC might understand that, sorry if it makes no sense to anyone else).

      It was good practice for him, scampering through for the final runs in a tight match. If the ODI series had followed the tests, he might not have been able to make it at Trent Bridge. That’s what all this tinkering does, ruins everything.

      Looking forward to the match report Sam.

    9. 125th aniversary of the club this year. Not bad that. 125 years of idyllic calm in gentle Cheshire countryside. It will be quite a shame when HS2 ploughs straight through the field next door.

    10. Why do you want idyllic calm when you’ll be able to get to the nation’s capital so much more quickly?

      Don’t know if you’ve heard, but they have restaurants and theatre in London. Restaurants are like takeaways where you get to sit down on the premises and theatre is a type of live television, apparently.

  4. Problem with having the Tests later is they’re so much more likely to get rained off.

    I’m okay with the feeble denouement really. It’s not like the ODIs are treated seriously by the management whenever they are, so we may as well put them in the firing line of the water cannon.

    1. I think Bert’s very sensible sequencing suggestion; ODIS, then Tests, then IT20s resolves your weather problem, Howe.

      Indeed, the most sensible thing to have at this time of year is the T20s, as the shorter match allows a larger time window during which the whole match might be played if there is a rain delay. Wouldn’t have helped at Leeds last week, mind.

      Hope you get a game to see today, Sam, while the rest of us slave away over hot keyboards or in front of autumnally-irritable clients.

    2. I actually think we should nix bilateral t20 altogether and have a world t20 every year. Two-match series are crap, best players not playing is crap. Make it a breezy knockout comp on a regular basis to give it some weight.

      It’d be along with the Champion’s league, straight after in the same host nation. That way you don’t have to worry about mobilising your team for one knockout game, they’re already there.

      It’ll never happen, so I am safe from testing.

  5. Jeffers, thanks. I saw that too. £250 is a bit steep for me to make a fool of myself in front of my idols and Rikki Clarke. Good luck to whoever won.

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