OK. Ta. Probably crying about the plumber not coming home to fix the bog because he was told to go back home because of that Breakfast thingi.

I passed it on, but England was too busy weeping into its pint glass about something not… coming… home maybe? I don’t know, it looked like England would lamp me one if I pressed the issue, so I didn’t.

It was a fucking shit way to lose a World Cup final.

That said, had NZ won in the same circumstances I (officially* on behalf of NZ) would have taken it, no worries. Perhaps I would have spared a thought for how England fans might be feeling, but perhaps I would have been too busy rolling around on the floor of my lounge in ecstasy to give a shit. Perhaps I’d still be there now (covered in lint).

So, on behalf of New Zealand*, congratulations England (pass it on to England, please someone).

*Unofficially

Simi Singh’s 100* broke the record for top score batting at number 8 or below in ODIs, beating the 95* shared between Chris Woakes (in the tied – ties, remember them? somewhat relevant to the nominal topic of this post, at least! – first ODI vs Sri Lanka at Trent Bridge in their 2016 tour) and Sam Curran (in the final and series-deciding ODI at Pune during this winter’s tour of India, which England lost by 7 runs).

I noticed Simi Singh holds another record as the only Irishman to have scored a half-century and taken five wickets in the same ODI, achieved this January when they thrashed the UAE by 112 runs in Abu Dhabi – the final match of their Covid-afflicted ODI series, and which Ireland needed to win to prevent UAE taking an unlikely series victory. When I say “they” thrashed UAE, it was almost single-handedly Singh with his 54* off 57 balls at number 7 and Curtis Campher’s 56 off 72 being their only half-centuries, and Singh taking out the entire UAE top five (which must be a rare occurrence in itself but I can’t find any stats for how unusual it is) en route to a remarkable 10-4-10-5. The economy of 1 run per over exactly is pretty cool too.

The Kingdom’s many fans of Paul Collingwood may fondly recall that he’s the only England player to have taken a five-for and scored a century in an ODI. That was 112* and 6/31 vs Bangladesh at Trent Bridge in the 2005 pre-Ashes Aus-Ban-Eng NatWest tri-series – Bangladesh came into the match fresh off that famous win over Australia at Cardiff when a less-than-fresh Symonds was relegated to drinks duty.

Only two other Englishmen have emulated Simi Singh’s feat of a fifer’n’fifty in an ODI. Have a guess before you look it up, they’re two smashing names, but if you can’t recall their heroic performances, you’d probably not have guessed them! https://stats.espncricinfo.com/ci/content/records/282798.html

Dawid Johannes Malan (born in Roehampton, grew up in South Africa) is also quite good at cricket.

I have decided my incompetence in the sport is due to not growing up in South Africa and having the wrong surname.

It does sum up how cricket this match was: that it was so confusing the players involved needed assistance to find out how the match could be won. Wonderful stuff.

Just to tie it in to the last post, I read the other day that James Vince’s big contribution in that final (apart from being a sub-fielder during the Super Over) was bringing a drink out to Ben Stokes before the last ball of normal time and telling him England needed one to win instead of two. Good thing he was counting properly when he got his hundred the other day.

It’s not particularly uniquely cricket, but it does feel quite James Vince.

The Boult catch was the cricketest moment.

They should have progressed to a Super Ball.