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The Whipping Bhoys
England XI?
Will the ECB Recreational XI be selected via the medium of a TV show where each cricketer is forced to play in a different style each week?
“Welcome back everyone! As you know, this week, it’s Chris Gayle week. What’re you looking for in Chris Gayle week, head judge Giles Clarke?”
“Well Phil (Tuffers is presenting, by the way. Budgetary decision), I’m looking for indifference at the crease and plenty of bludgeoning. And if possible, I’d love to see who can bring themselves on for one cursory over of mediocre spin before lunch and tea in their match.”
“Right-ho Giles. Let’s go to our first cricketer of the night, iiiiit’s Matthew!”
Cue emotional VT of Hoggard sobbing gently, explaining “this means so much to me.. I’ve always tried so hard and if I don’t make it now, I’ll feel like I’ve let myself down, you know?”. Presumably, by “it”, he means “a lot of money”, but that’s beside the point. Meanwhile, the soaring highs of “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol would really capture the true emotion of the moment.
It’d be beautiful. I’ll work on some scripts.
Since it is ‘recreational’ and not class-A , we should call it
Spliff’s eleven.
The Lalit Modi XI.
What about calling them……..Worcestershire CCC?