Reflecting yet further on Bert’s story, I recall my own physics teacher from school, Mr Marvin. We nicknamed him Hank. (What is it with Physics teachers and names of pop artistes from 18-20 years earlier?…)

Hank did not were shades. But he did tell me that I needed to find Jesus, otherwise I would go to hell, for all eternity, when I died; something that he didn’t want to happen. I found this rather unconvincing and subsequently found physics (as taught by him) less convincing, as I was wracked with doubt about Hanks grasp of metaphysics and physics.

Anyway, I decided that the Venn diagram really did need updating with both Bert’s and my scholarly examples. So here is the improved Venn:

http://ianlouisharris.com/kc-bell-end-venn-sparks-marvin/

I thoroughly recommend the entire album, Kimono My House, by Sparks (from whence “This Town” came..

One of my all-time favourite albums.

Thanks for supporting my classification analysis, Bert.

If it ever gets high enough up my list of priorities, I’d like to add Mr Sparks to the list of examples of those who wear shades but are not bellends (currently only containing Bressy-Lad).

That’s not likely to happen soon, but the many Venn enthusiasts around here might like to return to that Venn diagram periodically, just to see if I have got around to improving it yet…

…or just for the sheer sartorial pleasure of having a Venn diagram of such beauty on their screen.

I’ve now got ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us’ by Sparks in my head – thanks for that, Mr Sparks.

I didn’t realise those reactions lenses were around in the 80s, a teacher of mine had the more successful version in the late 90s/early 2000s.

Yes, I’m younger than Bert.

Incidentally, there is no such thing as Bresnanite, so perhaps Mr B is a bit of a bell-end after all. On the other hand, Jimmy’s fine the chef’s fine, Ben Stokes is doing okay too.

Further research indicates that having a mineral named after you is not conclusive evidence of nonbellendedness, however.

I had a chemistry teacher who wore the same shades, but not the tweed. We didn’t think he was cool, though we assumed he had to be clever because he had a PhD (like half the chemistry staff did, so we didn’t assume he was exceptionally clever, but we did wonder why someone with a degree in philosophy was teaching chemistry). Then we got another chemistry teacher with a PhD who was genuinely cool – even had a chemical named after him as a result of his studies, so he claimed! That’s the way to impress the kids, get a chemical names after you.

For second best, Mr Waters suggests you can name yourself after a chemical instead. Miss Potassium-Permanganate and Dr Vanadium V. Oxide concur.

The teacher in question was called Mr Sparks (no, really), and actually he was my maths teacher. Nuclear science was taught by Mr Brown, an equally appropriately named individual. Sparks was a properly eccentric old-fashioned teacher – wild hair, wild arms, wild tweed jacket – and was one of those teachers who could teach you without you noticing, and who you remember with deep fondness your entire life. He invented Triominoes, or so he claimed, and we had no reason to doubt him. I have a note in my book that he dictated concerning the Quadratic Formula – “To be permanently inscribed on the inside of my brain, lest Mr Sparks tries to inscribe it from the outside, with a chisel.” And indeed, minus b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four a c all over two a.

The sunglasses he wore were reactolite lenses. You remember reactolites – when it was bright they turned dark, and when it was a bit dull or you were inside, they stayed dark. Tweed jacket, indoor sunglasses, maths, a hint of madness, a song in the charts that could have been written for him. We thought he was a bit odd at the time; now I doubt that I have ever met anyone quite as cool.

Anyway, the point is that the wearing of sunglasses indoors does not of itself signify bell-endedness, although I will admit that it is an indicator to look for other evidence.

…a lot of beer and biscuits in KC’s contre-pseudonymous Twitter column today…

http://www.espncricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/1089354.html

…has Nandos gone out of fashion?

It’s hard to argue with that kind of reasoning.

“if you have tears or fears then Raybans © are the shades for you” If you’re skint then squint.