Are England annoying enough?

Not in the sense that they vex you with their occasional incompetence. We mean, are they annoying enough to truly challenge the opposition?

We’ve always been a great believer that you can achieve a lot through being really annoying and we don’t see why that wouldn’t apply in international cricket.

Here are some of our recommended tactics, many of which we employ ourself on a daily basis.

1. Humming – Not just humming, but producing pretty much any sound that can carry a simple melody. The ‘dff’ sound that boys make when they’re pretending to hit a snare drum or when they’re miming a punch to the solar plexus is particularly good. We use it for the theme from Terminator 2 and for Ghostbusters.
2. Not listening – Let someone talk at you at great length and then, a few moments after they’ve finished, look at them blankly and say ‘what?’
3. Telling people to shut up – Ask someone a direct question and when they start to answer, say ‘shut up’. Alternatively, when they answer, use tactic 2 – ‘not listening’. At the point when you’ve said ‘what?’ and they’ve started to answer for a second time, say ‘shut up’.