Graeme Swann’s joyous bat throwing

After his lower order skittering, Graeme Swann claimed that Mushtaq Ahmed was his batting mentor. Graeme Swann’s pleasingly unafraid to tell outright lies every now and again, but we think he was serious about this.

Mushtaq Ahmed shouldn’t be anybody’s batting mentor. You can’t just find the nearest person who’s older than you, call them a mentor and hope something productive comes out of it. Where would we be if Kris Kross had used some passing wino as a mentor?

Actually, maybe they did, judging by the fact that they wore all their clothes backwards for no discernable reason whatsoever. And thinking about it, Kris Kross didn’t make a huge contribution to the world in which we live. They could have had Mark E Smith as a mentor and achieved no less.

Mark E Smith’s not our mentor, but we do consider him a role model.