Posted by This is a somewhat ironic headline because as a rule we don’t remember things. Our brain long ago adopted the after-midnight-at-a-popular-nightclub policy towards nuggets of information – one in, one out.
So consider this a note to our future self that you’re all invited to read in the present. It’s not exactly the highlights of the 2018 international summer. It’s more a bunch of striking moments that may or may not create a sort of join-the-dots effect where linking them together maybe allows you to draw a vague outline of the season as a whole.
They’re chronological.
1. England won the toss and got skittled
Pakistan arrived, Pakistan bowled England out easily – and lo, the theme of the summer was set.
2. England lost to Scotland
England turned up fairly late for a one-day international against Scotland, lost it and then basically said that they didn’t care because they were only treating it as glorified practice anyway. Trevor Bayliss was so moved by what he saw that he flattened out the pocket of his hoodie.
3. England took the Australia bowling attack apart as if it were a giant Lego penis and grandma was coming over
If you’re tired of Australians being on the receiving end of world record totals, you’re tired of life. England made a still barely-believable 481-6 in a 50-over match and it was bloody hilarious.
4. Kuldeep Yadav made England’s one-day batsmen look rather less good
“Oh my God, they have got to get this guy into the Test team,” said everybody (before later concluding the exact opposite once India had done precisely that).
5. MS Dhoni played an extraordinary innings of complete lack-of-intent
MS Dhoni seemed poised to explode at any minute… but he never did. It was marvellous. He basically trolled the entire cricket world via some batting.
6. Virat Kohli was clean-bowled by Adil Rashid
It was actually nowhere near as good a ball as everyone made out, but Kohli’s reaction to it was unparalleled.
7. Virat Kohli ran out Joe Root
Kohli seemed hell-bent on being dead centre of every single thing that happened when England and India finally got round to playing a Test match. After running out his opposite number, he mimed a mic drop to take the piss out of Root’s ‘bat drop’ at the end of the one-day series and then told him to fuck off.
8. The whole of that first Test
It was bloody brilliant.
9. Virat Kohli edged Jimmy Anderson straight to Keaton Jennings
And Jennings quite miraculously failed to make any sort of contact with the ball whatsoever. This moment summed up the wonderful series-long Anderson v Kohli duel and also Keaton Jennings’ summer.
10. Keaton Jennings left one that would have hit middle halfway up
This also summed up Keaton Jennings’ summer. Poor Keaton Jennings.
11. Sam Curran’s face
Has anyone ever been more serious about anything ever than Sam Curran about everything always? He had a very successful summer and looked determined to ensure that would be the case throughout.
12. Adil Rashid bounced one off an invisible side wall to bowl KL Rahul
Rashid hitch-hiked his way through the Test series without anyone particularly noticing he was there, but then trotted in and dismissed two centurions just as everyone started to think they were maybe going to deliver a record run-chase in the final Test innings of the summer. The delivery that dismissed Rahul was everything the Kohli one pretended to be and wasn’t.
I clearly have similar memory issues, I’d almost forgotten that Australia series.
Not the Scotland game, though, never the Scotland game.
Similarly, I have no recollection of anything in the past.
Thusly, my highlight of the summer is that it’s nearly October and there’s still County Cricket being played.
Oh, Lancashire.
Why couldn’t you have got Notts relegated?
Now their batting line-up will instead be plundered by Notts as they cease to count next season.
All the best Lancashire batsmen.
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Dane Vilas…
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All the best Lancashire batsmen.
Hello friends.
As the birth of my previous two children have previously been announced on this fine website, I feel it only right and proper to proclaim the arrival of number three.
She will undoubtedly follow her brother and sister in achieving full international honours, becoming the first ever Test cricketer by the name of Anouk.
Thank you for your time. I’m off to scream into a pillow and get a refreshing three hours’ sleep.
Congratulations Sam and The Family Sam
Screaming into a pillow and not sleeping much will get you into Away Test Tour form in no time
Provided you can get through a few overs yourself, you’ve now got a full bowling attack.
Smashing stuff. Welcome Anouk. Congratulations to both parents.
Ones into twos, and twos into threes. Many congratulations to both parents!
Enjoyable post, KC, which has lead me to think about the winter fixtures. Now that TMS has lost out to Talksport, I’m thinking whether Guerilla Cricket is a better alternative for radio commentary.
Give ’em a go.
I hear a lot about power tools in the context of TalkSport.
Whether that refers to their advertising or their commentators, I have yet to ascertain.
Hover captions! Bloody loads of them!
I think my favourite is number 6. We’ve all been there. Apart from those of us who’ve never tried one, natch.