I didn’t read the article but I’m guessing there was a proviso for the series being disrupted by an army of the undead.

This week (or maybe it was last, i forget things sometimes) our Prime Minister apologised to France (the whole country) about something or other. Then their Prime Minister apologised to all of New Zealand (not individually, or if it was then I missed mine) because the thing that our PM was sorry about didn’t actually happen and it was all a Frenchmans fault so their PM was really ever so sorry about that.

All something to do with sport. If none of us cared that much then we wouldn’t have been on the verge of war with the Frogs.

The England squad set off today for their Ashes tour. We caught up with the captain, Douglas Jardine, on the quayside as he was about to board.

“What are your expectations for this series, Mr. Jardine?”
“Five-fucking-nil.”
“How will you achieve this?”
“I’m going to bounce the shit out of them Aussie bastards, especially that Bradman twat. That should do it.”
“Do you have the players to do this?”
“I’ve got some working class northerers in the team. They’ll run as fast as I tell them, for as long as I tell them, and aim the ball wherever I tell them. If they don’t, I’ll have their tiny little houses knocked down.”
“Is that properly within the spirit of the game?”
“Who gives a fuck? I know I don’t.”
“What about the relations between the two cricket boards, maybe even between the two countries?”
“After I’ve finished with them, the Aussies will have a reputation for being snivelling whingers that they won’t be able to shake for decades.”
“Do you think this will be an historic tour?”
“You’d better fucking believe it. I’ve got a catchy name for my tactic already – I’m calling it Aussie Bastard Rib Breaking Blood Death Theory. Like it?”

That’s the way to make cricket more popular.

This is a close cousin of tabloid football coverage.

The team that wants the Ashes more will win.

The team that keeps its bottle more than the other team will win.

Glen MacGrath (aka Pidgeon) says the Aussies will win 5-0.

Read this and thought of you guys. How come you did not cover Michael Vaughan’s retirement? Thought you’d like it.

http://lastofthesummerwhine.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/michael-vaughan-retires-my-moving-tribute/

It’s like the journos rearrange the words from a previous article and republish. Have been itching for the actual, bona-fide cricket to begin for weeks.