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Ged writes:
“Am I to be the token Northerner?” asked the Lancastrian nephew-in-law, Escamillo Escapillo, viz our impending visit to the first Lord’s Test of the 2014 season. “Not at all”, I replied. “Big Al DeLarge is originally from Burnley”.
But that got me thinking, what with Big Al being so fond of fine food – by his own admission he can be “a bit cheffy” – I’d need some imaginative ideas for the picnic. And what better, with two of our party being big-eating Lancys than to try cooking King Cricket’s recommended dish – throdkin.
Now here’s the thing. Try finding an actual recipe for throdkin on the web. The Wikipedia entry for throdkin provides clues, but not a recipe. Indeed, I could find no actual recipe for the dish anywhere on the web. Some chat, but no recipe. I decided, from the clues, that throdkin is a form of baked oatmeal with bacon, so found a recipe for that and adapted it a little. My first attempt was gloopy, salty, only slightly sweet and impractical for cricket match picnic purposes.
The next thing that happened was bizarre and coincidental. A client of Daisy’s recommended that she buy some Iberico streaky bacon from Lidgates for a posh carbonara pasta. Daisy went mad and ordered a kilo of the stuff. It made an amazing carbonara, by the way, but we needed no more than half a kilo for the pasta dish. “I’m having the rest of that bacon for the Lord’s throdkin,” I said, explaining my plan. Daisy thought I had taken leave of my senses, but a workable recipe for a throdkin-like delicacy was starting to form in my brain.
I switched my culinary thinking from “a variation on a theme of baked oatmeal” to “a variation on a theme of oatmeal cookies” and guessed, correctly, that I could find plenty of US recipes for bacon oatmeal cookies. I experimented with some ordinary bacon and one of those recipes. Big tick in the box for simplicity, good texture and basic flavour, but the cookie was insanely sweet using the recommended quantities of brown sugar and white sugar in the cookie, plus icing sugar and maple syrup on top of the cookie. With that sort of sugar rush at breakfast each morning, no wonder American kids grab guns (readily accessible in all good US homes) and cause havoc with them on a regular basis.
But I had figured out the idea now. Daisy tasted the sweet cookie and agreed that a poshed up, less sweet version of that recipe would work. She just wanted nothing to do with it other than the eating.
Thus, “The Lord’s Throdkin” was fully formed. I saw everything that I had made, and, behold, it was very good. So here it is: Ged Ladd’s recipe for The Lord’s Throdkin.
Excellent investigatory work, Ged. Didn’t realise that the plural was throdki but if Wikipedia says so… As I read down through this, I was cursing you for not sharing the fruits (or lardons) of your research, i.e., the final recipe, but there it is in a link at the end. Marvellous stuff. Will be trying these at the weekend. Question: is throdkin a morning foodstuff?
By the way, glad to see you still have the water-bottle-that-looks-like-a-fire-extinguisher.
Parritch is guid yer guts for tae scrub,
but t’is throdkin, haggis and skirlie
wull mak you strang and mak you burly!
Sae eats them aften, eats them airlie,
gin ye seik hailsum, savoury grub.
I think that illustrates where you went wrong, Ged.
Good grief! The two of you polished off half a kilo of bacon in addition to all the pasta? You must have the metabolism of a wendigo.
Perhaps it’s for the best I wasn’t raised in a house where oatmeal cookies are considered breakfast food. There were no guns, either. Probably my dad’s Canadian influence.
Chuck – thanks for your kind words.
Bert – yes I saw that doggerel when I initially Googled “throdkin recipe”. My statement “some chat but no recipe” refers. I am delighted to see this article already shows in the number two spot for such a search, albeit still ranked below the doggerel. I’m sure we’ll be top of the tree in no time.
Deep Cower – the pasta was sized for four hearty eaters, not two. But thanks for your concern – my arteries need all the friends they can get.
Dan M – I assure you that The Lord’s Throdkin would make excellent breakfast food on either side of the pond and on either side of the 49th parallel.
Many thanks to Mr Branch who responded to my enquiry re-throdkin (the Gazette, October 4, 2008). The recipe he gave is for Annie Braithwaite’s Throdkin. It is 1lb SR flour, 8ozs of lard rubbed into flour, 1 tsp cream of tartar, 8ozs sugar, 1 pinch bicarb, 8ozs margarine, 2 eggs, milk to mix. Bake in a moderate oven.
Google, page 2
http://xkcd.com/1334/
Also Ged, the Wikipedia entry clearly states that the Throdkin has to be served “tart style”. I trust that despite being at Lord’s, you nevertheless complied with this instruction. What a shame that Ceci isn’t around these days to rustle up a photoshop image of you serving Throdkin tart style. Imagination will have to suffice.
You know how Safari freezes your top sites and shows them as thumbnails on your homepage to click? My KC image is Ged’s throdkins. I hope it never changes.
PS: Yes, I do realize “Ged’s throdkins” sounds dirty.
Bert – if you ignore the bit in the recipe that says that you should separate each cookie ball by 3 inches, allowing perhaps only an inch or inch-and-a half – you end up with a single, sliceable tart. That’s what happened with the insanely sweet US-style ones.
Alternatively, you could make the cookies as I have recommended, while wearing nothing but a pinny emblazoned with comedy breasts and frilly knickers on the front, shouting “come and get it, boys” in a saucy, Carry On film manner, once the cookies are ready.
I think the latter method would work fine at Old Trafford, especially on one of the fancy dress days. Not so sure about Lord’s.
BTW, is anyone getting, alongside this article, an advert that reads:
“Cholesterol Study
clinlife.co.uk/High_Cholesterol
Looking for People with Cardiovascular Disease. Learn more.”
Clever stuff this algorithm business.
Sunday Roast Recipes.
foodnetwork.co.uk/RoastDinner
That’s mine.
It keeps varying though. I’ve also had party finger food recipes and a Full-Body health check-up one.
I’m back to stainless steel radiators again now.
Must be that “mop up” headline or something…