Posted by Good day to you all. Last week, I, Count Cricket, attended Durham v Lancashire at Chester-le-Street. Lancashire won and lifted themselves to mid-table respectability.
Some damp weather caused me to seek shelter in the toilets for a time. While there, I met a pleasant woman who informed me that King Cricket’s Benjamin Andrew Stokes had reached his hundred. I thanked her for the information and offered her some Amaretto from my Thermos. She declined. I quaffed it alone and awoke in a beautiful bus stop.
Having had such a splendid time, I returned for day four. A man I met in the toilets told me that Graham Onions had taken his sixth wicket. I was most grateful for this information and thanked him, but in the ensuing melee, my face was badly bruised. It hurt a great deal, but perhaps Graham Onions is hurting more. 34 wickets at 12.61 and he hasn’t emerged on the winning side even once.
Elsewhere, Nick Compton got another hundred and passed 1,000 first-class runs for the season. I toasted both achievements in a bid to numb the pain.
Am I hallucinating or has Laurence Elderbrook returned as Count Cricket, to now report on the game which he once played so magnificently?
That’s preposterous. Elderbrook drinks gin.