Posted by We said we’d report back on This Could Go Anywhere, the Netflix show where Phil Tufnell and Brendon McCullum travel New Zealand playing golf. We watched the first episode last night and we have… uncommonly few thoughts about it, actually.
To recap, the somewhat head-scratching premise of This Could Go Anywhere is that, “Cricketers Brendon ‘Baz’ McCullum and Phil ‘Tuffers’ Tufnell go on an exhilarating road trip to explore New Zealand’s most picturesque golf courses.”
It’s very obvious from the trailer that they do a bunch of other stuff too. We can now reveal that many of these other activities – all the more obviously ‘extreme’ ones, we’re guessing – are forfeits for losing at golf. There are also some rather more sedentary pursuits, which are the things they get up to between watching cricket and playing golf.
Sum it up then
After we’d watched the first episode – which is 45 minutes long (about 50 per cent longer than we expected) – we messaged a friend to make him aware of the programme’s existence.
“Whatever your first question is, it is highly likely the answer will be ‘no idea,” we warned him.
“Are they actually friends?” he asked.
Are they?
No idea.
The whole thing leaves us somewhat perplexed, even after watching it.
Tuffers has his Tuffers schtick, where he can have a light-hearted chat with anyone. McCullum is a genial sort of fella and it seems like most people would get along with him fairly easily-yet-unremarkably.
It’s all a bit, “Oh hey, Person-I-Sort-of-Know-a-Bit. Fancy hanging out for a while and having a bit of a laugh?”
So they have fun – but it’s the kind of surface level fun you have when you don’t know someone amazingly well. Other than willingness and availability, it’s not especially clear why it’s these two cricketers fronting this golf travelogue.
But it’s not really golf, is it?
There is actually quite a bit. More than we expected. We know diddly shit about the sport, but to our untrained eye Tuffers’ swing is better than you’d probably expect and McCullum’s is a little bit rustic (although he is a slightly better golfer).
But therein lies our confusion. Why did we watch a golf programme?
It feels like the viewer has to answer yes to an awful lot of disjointed questions for This Could Go Anywhere to not seem slightly confusing.
Do you like looking at New Zealand scenery?
YES!
Do you like cricket?
YES!
Do you like Phil Tufnell?
Um. Dunno really. Yeah?
Do you like Brendon McCullum?
In what way?
Do you want to see Phil Tufnell and Brendon McCullum playing golf?
Wait, what?
Do you want to see Phil Tufnell and Brendon McCullum roaming New Zealand playing golf, doing forfeits and then filling in the rest of their time doing other holiday activities?
Well, you know, maybe elements of that. Hard to say. Why is this happening again?
We may or may not report on This Could Go Anywhere again, depending on whether we watch more episodes. We’re kind of worried that it’ll be like the Miami Vice film with Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx where we’ve watched it about three times trying to set our mind at rest by finally working out what they were trying to achieve and what in the name of hell it’s supposed to be.
I also watched it. Time passed. Can’t remember much about it, if anything. Might watch episode 2, might not.
Would it be suitable accompaniment to watch on my second monitor while I play early 90’s RPGs?
Near-optimal.
Wonder where our Ultima VI map/tea towel is these days.
I’ve got no idea what Starbucks or Costa coffee is like, but I suspect, like this series, it’s just about ok.
Thinking of Tuffers, I thought I’d give the Spinwash documentary a go. Has anyone seen it?
It was hard to avoid in about April or so. It’s fairly interesting and well-produced, but will probably only mean as much to you as the series itself does. It starts out talking about how important the series was for Indian cricket, but mostly falls back into interviews with Stewart, Gooch et al as it gets into the actual tour. Entertaining but not particularly memorable.
I couldn’t really get into it much to see if there was any ‘what did this series and its result mean’ section, mind. Not that the advertisement breaks helped.
The irony being that unless you have a lot of time & a lot of money NO ONE from outside New Zealand will be having a holiday in New Zealand any time in the foreseeable future. So as a promo for NZ tourism, it’s rather useless, isn’t it?
Okay, I see that the theme “I don’t really know golf” emerge here repeatedly, so for the benefit of everyone I present the following technical account of the game for those who are inspired to play after having watched this series.
First, grab hold of another person and make him carry all your stuff. You need many bats, and you need to change them quite often depending on whether you are going to hit (the equivalent of) a single or a sixer.
Next, buy a small car. You often need to move from the pitch to the boundary (so to speak) and walking or running is too much of a hassle. Buy gloves as well. You should wear them for some reason.
Now the playing part. The goal is to hit a small ball into a small hole. The trouble is you can’t really see the hole (hold your jokes). It is too far away. Aim the ball in the general vicinity taking care to aim it away from the lakes and trees inside the ground. If you pocket it in one short, it’s a “Deinosuchus” and everyone cheers. Now walk to the location of the ball and hit it again. If you pocket it in the second shot, it’s a “Crocodile” – you can look around and notice polite nods of agreement. If you don’t make it but hit the ball sufficiently close to the hole, you make the walk of shame all the way to the ball and nudge it into the hole. Since this step is effectively something a four year old could accomplish, it’s a “Pigeon”. Onlookers spit on your face and your grand father’s grave is desecrated by fans.
That’s all there is to it. If you do well, you make a lot of money.
Sounds ridiculous, DC – it’ll never catch on…
…unless KC starts a podcast series entitled, “The Ridiculous Opens” or some such.
You may get a few tennis fans listening to it if it was called that GL.
This answers an awful lot of questions. We almost don’t want to admit this, but we honestly thought it was a “Deinonychus” not a “Deinosuchus”.
We’d have been a laughing stock out on the linkages!