“This is the best time for me to announce retirement,” said MS Dhoni shortly after winning the IPL with Chennai Super Kings and shortly before conspicuously failing to do anything of the sort. At the age of 41, Dhoni is going to try and play on for a bit. Good on him. Why not?

In our recent feature about players who finished their Test careers on a low, we pointed out that the greatest exit from high profile cricket has already been and gone, so there’s little point striving to top it. We are therefore increasingly keen to see players go out not with a bang, but with a protracted and ignominious slump.

For those who didn’t follow this year’s IPL, Dhoni is clearly still doing a job as captain and, from what little we’ve seen, his keeping up to the stumps in particular remains a case study in lightning minimalist efficiency. He’s significantly reduced his batting ambitions though, coming in at seven or eight to have a bit of a heave for a ball or two.

Where once Dhoni prided himself on ‘taking it deep‘, these days he just dives straight into the deep, makes a big splash and quite quickly gets out again. He’s basically rebranded himself as the big lad who comes in down the order and whacks a few at the end. This is no bad thing. Every team, in every format, at every level of cricket, values a big lad who comes in down the order and whacks a few at the end.

Like many big lads who come in down the order and whack a few at the end, the modus operandi is at least partly shaped by his own limitations. Dhoni has a duff knee these days. He’s not in the market for longer innings or quick singles.

“A lot depends on the body,” he said about the prospect of playing next season. “I have six-seven months to decide.”

We’d like to think he’ll play on regardless. Cracking on in the face of ever-diminishing ability is what being a senior statesman at your club is all about. Maybe next year he’ll drop down to nine and rely more heavily on the stopping-it-with-your-shins wicketkeeping move. Maybe the year after that he’ll catch the ones that go straight to him and bring back the long stop for everything else.

Don’t retire, MS. Why do people think keeping a young player out of the side is a bad thing?

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Specialist bowlers having to bat is one of the greatest things in the world because batting is absolutely nothing like bowling. It is like a javelin thrower training for years and years to perfect their art only to turn up at the Olympics and be told that they also have to play tennis. This is precisely why it’s interesting to ponder which bowler has been best at batting.

We often talk about the top six in cricket. Whether or not these players do other things as well, the top six batsmen are first and foremost judged on how many runs they score.

There’s a pretty good chance that number seven will be the wicketkeeper. Wicketkeepers are judged on their batting too – in large part because batting’s easier to measure than wicketkeeping. People often say that everything changed for wicketkeepers because of Adam Gilchrist but the truth is they were expected to score runs long before him.

Run-scoring wasn’t the only reason why you picked a wicketkeeper, but it was a very big part of selectors’ thinking. These days, you get people like Jonny Bairstow, who’s at times forced Jos Buttler into becoming a specialist number seven batsman by claiming a spot further up the order.

So the top seven is a thing too.

The top eight is not a thing. Not really.

You get all-rounders and you get bowlers who can bat, but once you get down to number eight, batting ability is very much a secondary consideration when picking your team. You might think about it a little, but really number eight is the first player who is not picked for their batting.

This means that number eight is the most exciting batting position of all.

One of Test cricket’s greatest strengths is that in every single match a bunch of people who cannot do a thing are obliged to do exactly that thing at an elite level. This is insane and comical and far, far, far more exciting than watching the people who can do that same task really well. (Read the ‘The other hero’ section of our piece about Ben Stokes, Jack Leach and Headingley 2019 for a bit more on why this is.)

For now, all we need to know is that number eight is the sweetspot; the point at which we find the best Test batsmen who weren’t picked to bat.

So who was best? Here are the candidates.

MS Dhoni

MS Dhoni batted at eight on 11 occasions. He made two hundreds and four fifties and averaged 70. At this point we feel obliged to inform you that MS Dhoni is not a number eight – and not just because he’s a wicketkeeper and therefore ineligible according to the criteria we’ve rather vaguely laid out in our lengthy preamble.

Dhoni made 51 not out the first time he batted at eight, against Sri Lanka at Delhi in 2005. However, he’d batted at seven in the first innings and only got pushed down in the second innings when India crazily but utterly successfully promoted Irfan Pathan to opener. (He made 92).

Dhoni made 92 himself against Australia at Mohali in 2008, but Ishant Sharma had been nightwatchman, so that doesn’t really count either. (Ishant made 9.)

He also made a couple of hundreds. He made 132 not out against South Africa at Kolkata in 2010, but batted behind Amit Mishra; and he made 144 against the West Indies at the same ground in 2011, but again batted behind Ishant Sharma. (In an elite bout of nightwatchmanning, Ishant made a golden duck. Top work, Ishant.)

In short, while Dhoni sometimes batted at number eight, he was never picked to bat at number eight, so he is not a number eight.

Mahmudullah

The batsman with the highest average when batting at number eight who’s also played a reasonable number of games in that position is Bangladesh’s Mahmudullah. Mahmudullah averages 40.75 in 18 innings and has also made a hundred.

But again, this is unsatisfactory because Mahmudullah has always been a better batsman than bowler. With all-rounder Shakib Al Hasan and wicketkeeper Mushfiqur Rahim above him, you can credibly argue that when batting at eight he has essentially been more of a displaced number six.

Mahmudullah has batted higher than number eight more often than he’s batted at number eight. This in itself should not disqualify him – some players have improved their batting enough that they have later earned selection in a way that they didn’t earlier in their careers.

What’s more damning is that although he’s batted at nine three times, each of those occasions required the intervention of a nightwatchman. What we’re saying here is that being picked to bat at nine would in a weird way have legitimised Mahmudullah’s case to be considered an authentic number eight – but this has never truly happened.

The jury is split and quite a few of them think that Mahmudullah isn’t a number eight.

Daniel Vettori

The highest Test run-scorer at number eight is New Zealand’s Dan Vettori. He made 2,227 runs batting in that spot and made four hundreds and 13 fifties.

Vettori’s case is a strong one because he only very gradually acquired all-rounder status. For the majority of his career he was selected on the basis of his bowling with his batting really just a welcome bonus.

The figures bear this out. Vettori had 67 innings at number eight and his next most frequented spot was number nine where he batted 53 times. He only batted 18 times at six and batted more times at 10 (14 times) than seven (12 times).

But is he a legitimate number eight? Or was he too good?

Shane Warne

The batsman who scored most runs at number eight without ever making a hundred was of course Shane Warne. In 113 innings he made 2,005 runs at 19.09, including 11 fifties.

This seems like the archetypal record for a number eight – a guy who can make fifties but not hundreds who is better than most of the bowlers but who is definitely not a batsman.

But what if there were someone who did much the same thing only better?

Chaminda Vaas

Chaminda Vaas made 1,913 runs in 98 Test innings at number eight at an average of 25.17. He made eight fifties and one hundred.

When we tried to work out which Test nation’s top five wicket takers would form the most balanced attack, we took batting into consideration, imposing a ‘multiple Test hundreds’ clause to our definition of an all-rounder. There have been freakish one-off hundreds, but you’re not going to fluke two. By this rationale, Vaas is a bowler, because the hundred he made at number eight is the only one he ever made.

We don’t feel a single hundred should render you ineligible as a number eight, which means Vaas was a better number eight than Warne.

Ravindra Jadeja

Jadeja averages 33.92 at eight and hasn’t scored a hundred in that position. While his one Test hundred was scored at seven, he has also played a respectable number of innings at number nine.

What Jadeja lacks is a significant body of work. He has made only 882 runs in 31 innings.

We are branding Jadeja ‘one to watch’.

Shaun Pollock

Pollock is a weird one. He averaged 30.96 in 79 innings at eight and never made a hundred there. You could argue that he fails the ‘multiple hundreds’ all-rounder test because he made two when batting in other spots, but he made them both at nine, so that seems unfair.

To be honest we’re just putting this one down to South Africa’s conservative selection policy in the Pollock era where they just used to clog the side with all-rounders because they were terrified of getting bowled out.

Conclusion

In many ways we think Chaminda Vaas fits what we’re looking for best of all, but we’re going to give it to Vettori.

Yes, he made a bunch of hundreds and probably deserved a place in the New Zealand side as a batsman towards the end of his career, but he never would have got into that position without first playing 80 Tests as a bowler.

Also, did you see Dan Vettori bat? Dan Vettori was a horrible batsman. Make no mistake, Dan Vettori was a number eight. Dan Vettori was the best number eight.

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This headline is not strictly accurate.

It’s true that India haven’t picked MS Dhoni and it’s also true that they have picked Shivam Dube.

The misleading part is that they haven’t picked Shivam Dube instead of MS Dhoni because Dube is an all-rounder and Dhoni is a wicketkeeper (or possibly was a wicketkeeper – there seems to be some debate about tenses at the minute).

Cricinfo reports that MSK Prasad, the chairman of selectors, commented on the Dhoni decision by saying that India were “moving on” and focusing on Rishabh Pant as wicketkeeper instead.

Prasad’s contract as chairman of selectors is due to expire imminently. We’re very excited to see whether it’ll be renewed.

2019 Cricket World Cup semi-final, India v New Zealand

Remember that time MS Dhoni stalked England and never actually pounced? Remember that time he stood around and watched his batting partners beat Australia without ever quite feeling moved to step in and do something?

No-one does passivity like MS Dhoni. No-one can let a run-chase get away from him quite like MS Dhoni.

Dhoni’s cool. That’s his brand. He doesn’t panic when the run-rate rises. he doesn’t even bat an eyelid. Thing is, sometimes you have to react. Sometimes the batting of eyelids is advisable.

If you see a suicidal insect make for your eyeball, you blink. That’s what you’re supposed to do. That’s the correct response to the stimulus. What you do not do is stand there, eyes agape, heart-rate low, and let the thing embrace your cornea.

Dhoni disagrees. As the flies swarm, Dhoni keeps his eyelids open. He asks Ravindra Jadeja to try and bat the flies away for him.

Jadeja does a cracking job, but there’s a hell of a lot of flies and eventually he’s swamped and has to leave the field of play.

At this point – or at least shortly afterwards – Dhoni looks around and goes, “Say, there are quite a few flies around at the minute. Maybe I should… do something.”

Somewhat inadvisedly, the “something” that Dhoni resolved to do in the World Cup semi-final was ‘take a second run to Martin Guptill’.

A top bit of cobbing from Guptill zang the bails and Dhoni departed, dragging the tattered rags of India’s chances behind him.

Turns out Kane Williamson’s 95-ball 67 was a pretty decent knock after all.

The finisher. Captain cool. There he was missing the ball and losing his team the match.

It’s funny how things are presented. Had it been the World Cup and had MS Dhoni been born 8,000km to the south-west, the headlines would all have been about what a massive choker he is.

As it was, it was the IPL and Dhoni’s from India, so he instead got quite a lot of credit for some (but not all) of what had preceded the crucial final delivery against Royal Challengers Bangalore.

We’ve written about Dhoni’s almost-but-not-actually successful run-chase for Chennai Super Kings for Cricket 365. You should read it.

Our primary school sports day used to climax with a run right the way round the field. For 10 and 11-year-olds it was quite a long way.

The top two years took part. On our first attempt, we performed solidly and passed a very large number of kids with a sprint finish on the home straight.

A year older and a year stronger, we decided to employ the same tactics. This time we held even more in reserve – so much, in fact, that half the field had finished by the time we launched our finishing ‘kick’.

And so to MS Dhoni.

There are three main flavours of MS Dhoni innings these days. (1) The dawdling non-event where he faces a couple of overs and never gets going. (2) The dawdling non-event where he faces plenty of balls but still doesn’t get going. (3) The knock where he happens to be there at the end and India win but it’s still not wholly clear whether he was hugely influential or not.

Most of the time, it feels like we’re going to get (2) because more often than India would like, Dhoni is the man who won’t (or can’t) shift beyond third gear.

You need to make a slow and arduous journey in rush hour traffic, Dhoni’s your man – but for God’s sake don’t pull onto the motorway. As the engine roars and the vehicle’s speed hovers around 40mph, you implore him to change up. But he doesn’t. He just sits there in the nearside lane, foot to the floor, getting passed by everyone.

“Don’t worry,” says a fellow passenger. “He knows what he’s doing. He’s done this before.”

20 minutes later, you’re flicking through your phone trying to find the contact number for your breakdown cover. Meanwhile, Dhoni stands outside the car, head held high as he nobly and silently surveys the horizon.

On days like these, Dhoni is not a ‘finisher’ but an impediment; a dead man in a three-legged race.

But sometimes India win and sometimes when India win, MS Dhoni is batting when the winning runs are scored. It is tempting to conclude from this that he still ‘has it’ – but surely the mark of whether or not a batsman is positively influential is how he compares to the average player across a large number of matches.

According to CricViz, when Dhoni arrived at the crease in the second one-day international against Australia earlier this year, India were slight favourites to win. And then they won. This, to us, sounds pretty average.

Dhoni made 55 off 54 balls. His two batting partners – Virat Kohli and Dinesh Karthik – made 76 off 58 balls. Victory came with four balls to spare.

Dhoni was unarguably there for the finish and you rather feel that he would also have been there for the finish had Kohli and Karthik been the ones contributing 55 off 54 balls.

That would have changed the demands of the situation greatly and there are two main things we cannot be certain of in that hypothetical scenario. They are: Dhoni’s score and the match result.

2 minute read

Imagine a tiger hunting a deer. He’s squatting down in the undergrowth, taut and primed to strike. The deer is ambling around just in front of him, oblivious. When the deer gets close enough, the tiger will leap out and bite him in the neck.

The deer mills around. He mills around for ages. Sometimes he gets closer. Sometimes he moves further away. Sometimes he gets really, really close. But still our tiger does not move. Our tiger knows best. Timing is everything.

Eventually, the deer is so far away as to be almost out of sight. Then he does move out of sight. Then night falls. Then the sun rises. Then night falls again. It is at this point that the tiger briefly leaps out before deciding to head home.

This was MS Dhoni’s innings of 37 off 59 balls in the second one-day international between England and India when India needed about 12 an over.

Dhoni famously likes to ‘take it deep’ when he bats, preying on bowlers’ nervousness when the game gets close. On this occasion he went to Mariana Trench depths in some sort of specially-designed bathscaphe, but at no point did anyone feel the faintest hint of nervousness because depth without closeness does not a nervous fielding side make. Quite the opposite in fact.

The match had to a great extent been lost before MS Dhoni appeared, but we cannot help but applaud him for playing with such extraordinary passivity and complete lack-of-intent. This was one of our all-time favourite one-day innings. It was unforgettable.

MS Dhoni.

< 1 minute readIndia failed to chase down 190 against the West Indies and there were a couple of prominent reasons for this.

Firstly, MS Dhoni hit India’s slowest half-century in 16 years – although ‘hit’ seems an entirely inappropriate word to use for an innings of 54 off 114 balls. MS Dhoni bobbled India’s slowest half-century in 16 years. He was there until six balls to go too, so his soporific knock actually took in much of ‘the slog’ .

Another reason for India’s low score was Jason Holder.

CELEBRATION TIME #WIvIND pic.twitter.com/SJaxogYUm6

— CricketWestIndies (@westindies) July 2, 2017

When we first caught sight of Holder, we thought ‘ooh hell’ or something along those lines. Two metres tall, a seam bowler who could bat, we had visions of Curtly Ambrose as an all-rounder. After watching him play, he came across as more of an Angus Fraser/Chris Tavaré character.

While that would be many people’s dream cricketer, it was nevertheless an interesting contrast to one’s expectations. He was clearly a committed cricketer, but a labouring one to whom results didn’t appear to come easily.

For a long time the effort-plus-raw-ingredients-equals-results equation didn’t really add up for Holder, but the final part has been increasing in value for a while now. He took 5-27 against India and if he’s still coming on second or third change in Tests, here he was opening the bowling.

There’s more to come. Albeit probably in the form of a self-destructive diktat from the West Indies Cricket Board.

< 1 minute read

Ah, bless. He’d made a few in club cricket, but this was MS Dhoni’s first fifty in T20 internationals. Hopefully this is a first step towards a successful career on the big stage.

Speaking after the game, Dhoni may or may not have said: “This was my first fifty in T20 internationals. Hopefully this is a first step towards a successful career on the big stage.”

Not to be outdone, England claimed some sort of record or other by losing eight wickets for eight runs.

Six of them were taken by Yuzvendra Chahal as he returned the third-best figures in T20 internationals.

Chahal almost certainly didn’t observe: “Hopefully I can be the next Ajantha Mendis.”

< 1 minute read

Following India’s one-day series defeat to Bangladesh, MS Dhoni has hit back at his critics, saying that he’s the captain and nothing beyond that.

When it was put to him that the result might be considered something of a disappointment to India fans, Dhoni may or may not have replied: “It’s my team.”

The implication seems to be that the captain is in control and if he wants to lose to Bangladesh, he can lose to Bangladesh and no-one else is permitted an opinion on the matter.

“I don’t slag you lot off when you use the word ‘would’ when you mean ‘will’,” he continued. “So don’t get all up in my grill when my team loses a game of cricket. Each person should stick to his own field. My field is the winning and losing of games of cricket and I will continue to do both of those things to the best of my ability until the selectors decide that someone else can do them better than I can.”

When reporters looked at him quizzically, he added: “I ain’t even lying.”