Australia

Mop-up of the day – Steve Smith is the best player in the world

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England v Australia: 3rd Investec Ashes Test - Day One
Photo by Sarah Ansell

Okay, first up, our Twitter round-up. Yep, still doing it, so have a read. Nasser Hussain’s in it and there are two absolutely blinding selfies from opposite ends of the selfie-taking spectrum. We still can’t decide which of the two is our favourite.

Second on the order of business, Cricket Badger. A couple of weeks ago, we failed to gain subscribers compared to the previous week and that makes us livid, so either sign-up or tell someone else to. This will not stand.

Finally, Steve Smith scored a hundred today which means everyone forgets where we were yesterday and says that he’s clearly the best player in the world, just ahead of Virat Kohli and Joe Root, who are in turn ahead of Kane Williamson on the grounds that they played more recently.

What no-one seems to care about is that all of these players are batsmen and therefore dull as shit. Oh for a fast bowler to undermine everyone’s pointless lust for a hierarchy.

Similar deliveries:

Default ThumbnailSteve Smith’s shonky technique keeps him hiding in plain sight Default ThumbnailSteve Smith woefully out of form in the nets Default ThumbnailSteve Smith’s brain fades still further, Bangladesh do the reverse

16 comments

    1. We were just thinking precisely that.

      Pit eleven Ashwins against eleven of any other individual player and he’d surely come out on top after the two teams had come up against each other home and away.

    2. Why sadly though? We’re rather fond of his unapologetic nerdiness and cumbersome fielding.

      You mean because England have to play another Test against him, presumably.

      1. I think the “sadly” attests to a lack of legendarity*. A team of 11 Flintoffs or 11 Kluseners would have been more fun, though. And oh for 11 Vivs, or Bothams or Imrans or Austins … I think 11 Hadlees or even Wasims would be in with a shot too.

        Even 11 Kallises (what is the plural of Kallis?) or 11 Pollocks would do, too.

        What is the closest we can** muster these days – 11 Stokeses?

        * “Legenda Rity” is the Polish title of “Die Stille nach dem Schuß”, a German “ostalgia” film about how the Stasi collaborated with the Red Army Faction, also known by the English title “The Legend of Rita”.

        ** Or could, if only we had access to a cloning machine. Incidentally, I once met Brigitte Boisselier, the Raëlian cult-scientist who claimed to have performed human cloning in the early 2000s. A disturbing experience.

      3. There should be a mode on International Cricket Captain (or whatever cricket game the kids are playing these days) where you can play as 11 Bothams/Tendulkars/Ronnie Iranis/etc.

        That would be fun.

      4. Oh goodness, how did I forget Ronnie!

        But yeah, they should include a double-wicket cricket mode too, for similar reasons. That form of the game is seriously due a T20 era revival.

      5. Shania-Lee Swart, it appears, doesn’t even need 10 other versions of herself…

        Good grief. Don’t think I’ve seen a scorecard so crazy even in Cricket Captain.

      7. I hadn’t seen that, BailOut. That is indeed remarkable.

        She only took two of the wickets though, she’ll be disappointed with that.

      8. If she took two, she must have had an outside shot at all ten. Maybe one day it’ll happen somewhere. But in our universe this one will have to do for now.

  3. Suzie Bates, and I won’t hear a word against. No player dominates their opposition so thoroughly. And she bowls dibbly-dobbly medium pace.

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