Doesn’t there need to be some depth to the batter’s innings (as well as the voice) in order for the phrase “bring forth the mongoose” to apply? That’s a quintessentially contra-Elderbrook situation.

I’m pretty sure that a Blessed-expletive would leave listeners in no doubt as to the great man’s intention.

Mongoose report please!

Guess you just put the grip where your hands go and leave the rest of the handle… nude.

Cheap bats (imitations of mighty makes such as the mongoose) might have their handles attached, with low grade glue and poor quality bindings. A good name for a website exploring the market for dsuch odgy products would be Con-fused-dot-com.

They cornered the meerkat, I mean market, after Gio Con-Pear-io realised he had the least apt name in history for a bat comparison service.

There should be production of such small, ferocious implements in several regions of the cricketing world. Southern Africa to name but one example. Then you should establish a website to weigh up the merits of each region’s tiny weapon.

Yes, that’s right, you could call the site: compare-the-mere-bat-dot-com.

Because it was small and ferocious.

That’s the actual answer, not a joke.

In beach cricket my blade of choice is “the gerbil”.