Thanks in particular to Bert for your kind words. Daisy might chime in with thanks too when (or if ever) she stops laughing.

Please rest assured, everyone, that the screening invitation is simply related to a standard DIY kit – nothing so comprehensive and invasive as Bert’s words and links suggest. I am proposing to decline the kind invitation on this occasion.

You might also rest assured that, should I ever (for whatever reason) decide to subject myself to such screening (or similar) – KC readers will be among the last to know. Nothing personal – I just look on KC-reading as (quite often) breakfast activity and hate the thought of spoiling anyone else’s messing arrangements.

Let’s start with Ged’s Oyster card photo. Has a photo ever said “I know I have to do this but I really don’t want to” better than that one. It’s a masterpiece of contempt for the way the world works these days.

And bowel cancer screening – a first time visitor to these pages I think. Just enjoy it, Ged. Watch this clip, appreciate the subtle brilliance of the writing, and enjoy it.

One word of warning, don’t do what I did. The stuff they give you the day before to, er… clear the passage, so to speak, works via reverse osmosis. That is, it draws water from your body to irrigate the channel. In doing so it dehydrates you, which in turn lowers your blood pressure. That’s how I found myself lying on the bathroom floor at three in the morning next to a my-head-sized hole in the door. The nurses the following day were as sympathetic as it is possible for nurses to be.