Just so you know, it would have been fucking funny if I had actually put in the effort.

The home team, India, faced off against the touring side, Australia, in a highly anticipated Test match at the M. Chinnaswamy Stadium in Bangalore.
Australia won the toss and elected to bat first on a dry, dusty pitch. The openers, David Warner and Joe Burns, got off to a solid start, putting on a 50-run partnership before Warner was dismissed by Indian spinner Ravi Ashwin for 23. Burns and Marnus Labuschagne steadied the ship and took the score to 97 before Labuschagne was caught behind off the bowling of Ishant Sharma for 39. Burns continued to battle on, reaching his half-century before being trapped lbw by Ashwin for 54.
The Australian middle order failed to make any significant contributions, with only Steve Smith (34) and Tim Paine (27) reaching double figures. The visitors were eventually all out for 191 in the 57th over, with Ashwin finishing with figures of 4-61 and Sharma taking 3-44.
India started their reply brightly, with openers Rohit Sharma and Shubman Gill putting on a century partnership. Sharma fell for 63, but Gill continued to score freely and brought up his maiden Test century. He eventually fell for 102, caught at slip off the bowling of Nathan Lyon. Captain Virat Kohli and Cheteshwar Pujara steadied the ship and took the score to 224-3 at stumps on Day 1.
Day 2 saw India’s middle order build on the strong foundation laid by the openers. Kohli scored a fluent 74, while Ajinkya Rahane chipped in with a patient 46. The Indian tail wagged, with Ravi Ashwin scoring a quickfire 25 and the team declared on 406-7, with a lead of 215 runs.
Australia’s second innings got off to a disastrous start, with Warner and Burns both dismissed for ducks. Labuschagne and Smith tried to repair the damage, but the former was dismissed for 23 and the latter for a patient 35. Paine and Cameron Green tried to put up some resistance, but the Australian captain was eventually dismissed for 22 and the tourists were all out for 186, giving India a comprehensive victory by 329 runs.
Ashwin was the pick of the bowlers for India, finishing with match figures of 8-121. Sharma and Mohammed Siraj also chipped in with two wickets apiece.
The win takes India to the top of the World Test Championship table, while Australia will need to regroup ahead of the final Test of the series

If you’d gone for, “There are 10 types of mathematician: those who understand binary, those who don’t, and those who do but often mistake it for ternary”, I might have believed you. But no.

Release him, you foul robotic monstrosity!

Conceal me what I am, and be my aid for such disguise as haply shall become the form of my intent, as the Bard once put it.

You are quite mistaken, Bert, I am still Ged Ladd, quoting classics and riffing jokes in his…I mean my…inimitable style.

ChatGPT does not have a sense of humor, nor does it add color to its anecdotes, so I shall shall prove that I am Ged Ladd and not ChatGPT by the simple expedient of cracking a joke.

There are 10 types of mathematician: those who understand binary and those who do not.

QED.

It’s interesting to ponder when this particular match report was submitted.

It was all there. Ged’s sense of the moment, his use of pathos, and of course his acute sense of humour. There is literally no reason for him to exist anymore. No reason. Literally. The first day of the County Championship will see Charley the Gent strolling down St John’s Wood Road with a satchel of gravadlax and a shoulder-mounted robot called geRald (capitalization is one thing robots haven’t managed properly yet). geRald will have been uploaded with a selection of Ged’s anecdotes and the rules of real tennis, and the two of them will while away the hours until the battery runs out. Meanwhile, Ged will be trapped in a pod in his basement being fed liquified throdkin via his nose and re-runs of Lillee to Gower via implants in his brain, all the while being milked for the precious chemicals needed to create the next wave of killer machines.

As for the cricket – well we’ve seen how easy it is to simulate that during the PLANdemic. KC and his AI army used the Wuhan lab to create an opportunity to beta test the software, and used us as guinea pigs to see if we’d fall for it. And we did, oh how we did. What fools – we were just opening the door to the machines.

Charley, geRald, KC at Cricket Captain 2018 HQ controlling the players – this is our future people.

We can only wonder.